Beloved of My Heart Chapter 21 Here and Now is not aGoal

CHAPTER 21

Here and Now is not a Goal

23 May 1976 pm in Chuang Tzu Auditorium

[A sannyasin who is leaving for the West says: I'm feeling very happy. I learnt here to believe.] That's very good. That's the most important thing in life ­ to have trust, the capacity to believe. Even if your belief doesn't come true sometimes, then too go on believing. The result is not important. The very fact that you can believe is a great and valuable treasure. Never allow anybody to sabotage your trust. You believe in a person and he deceives you. He takes your money or in some other way deceives you. He could deceive you only because of your belief. When one is deceived, one starts feeling that belief is not right, that trust is not good; that it is because of trust that you have been deceived. People think then that if they had doubted from the very beginning, nobody would have been able to deceive them. Then they stop trusting, but they are losing something very valuable. You can be deceived; that's nothing important. Somebody takes your money; money comes and goes. Somebody never fulfills his promise. That too has to be forgiven because man is helpless. Because of these things don't drop your trust. Whatsoever happens in life, go on trusting. Even when every situation is against it, go on trusting. Your trust will give you an integration. You will become more solid. [The Tathata group were present tonight. The stand-in groupleader says: The first eight hours, at least as far as I could see, were terrible, but somehow the group happened and towards the end everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves.]

Mm mm, it was a real Tathata ­ because Tathata need not have any structure. The very idea of Tathata is to live with the moment, and to live in the moment without any planning, without any discipline, and to allow the moment to have its say. Whatsoever the moment says, do it. The word 'tathata' means suchness; to be in a state of suchness. Whatsoever happens, you simply move with it. And energy is always moving that way. First it will be terrible, tug of anguish, pain, but if you can allow it, it will take a turn and that turn is automatic. Nothing is to be done really. Simply allow and move with it. It is just how a wheel moves. The spoke comes up and comes up and then starts going around, and then just the opposite spoke comes up. If the group is continued for many days, you will see this happen many times. The mind functions like a wheel and the moods are like spokes. First the negative, the terrible will come, because the society never allows it; it has been repressed. So whenever you say 'allow', it comes immediately because it has been starved. The society teaches you to be polite, smiling. It gives you a certain social face and a certain gesture. It does not allow the terrible things. They are anti-social ­ so they go on piling up. That part of the wheel is continuously suffering, being starved. When you say to somebody to move and be spontaneous and to let things happen, the immediate thing is not only that he will become happy, first he will become unhappy because the load is there. But once the load is relaxed and the catharsis has happened, then he will start becoming happy, and this happiness will be real, authentic. It will not be forced. It will just he a natural happiness that always comes after the negative has been exhausted. When the storm goes, the silence follows. But if you continue long enough it will happen again. Next time an even deeper and more terrible state of mind will start being expressed. Then again that will change, it is just like the year moving. One season comes, then another they follow each other. So it is good. Nothing to be worried about. It was new and I was thinking that it would come to a very good end, because when you don't know what you are doing, things move more naturally. When you don't have any idea, any structure, any prefabricated pattern, then you have to move with the moment, not knowing where you are going. One remains more open in such a situation. But it is difficult. Next time you do the group it will not be so because you will find a structure. And that's why many things, tremendously beautiful things, come into the hands, and by and by they become structures. But nothing can be done; that's how the human mind functions. When for the first time you fall in love with a man, it is unstructured. You never knew about it. It came just out of the blue and it was beautiful. Next time when you fall in love with a man it cannot be so beautiful. That's why the first love is never repeated. It carries a certain romance that no other love can carry again. Because next time you are acquainted, familiar; you know what is going to happen. The third time you know almost as much as to be able to predict it. By the fourth or fifth time everything is so familiar that you are almost repeating cliches. But this is how the human mind tries to mechanise everything.

This was accidentally fortunate for this group ­ that the leaders were not there and the group had to innovate something. [A group participant says: We did an exercise where two people were making noises, gibberisb, in the ears of someone else and when we did it I felt like this was the world ­ always people saying gibberisb to me and I listen. This time I stayed with the noise and said 'aum' and all the noises stopped.] Very very good. So you can do that. Chanting aum will be very helpful to you. Whenever you feel that there is too much disturbance around you, or your mind is distracted too much, just chant aum. You can become a natural chanter. Make it a point for at least twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the night to sit silently in this posture (indicating the posture in which she was sitting, legs folded back on either side of her). Half open the eyes and just be looking down. Breathing should be slow, body unmoving, and start chanting aum inside. There is no need to bring it out. It will be more penetrating with lips closed; even the tongue should not move. Chant aum fast ­ aum aum aum aum; fast and loud but inside you. Just feel that it is vibrating all over the body from the feet to the head, from the head to the feet. Each aum falls into your consciousness like a rock thrown into a pool and ripples arise and spread to the very end. The ripples go on expanding and touch the whole body. Doing this there will be moments ­ and they will be the most beautiful moments ­ when you will not be repeating and everything has stopped. Suddenly you will become aware that you are not chanting and everything has stopped. Enjoy it. If thoughts start coming, again start chanting. And when you do it at night, do it at least two hours before you go to sleep, otherwise if you do it just before you go to bed, you will not be able to go to sleep because it will make you so fresh that you will not feel like it. You will feel like it is morning and you have rested well, so what is the point. And do it fast... but you can find your own pace. After two or three days you will find what suits you. To a few people it suits very fast ­ aum aum aum ­ almost overlapping. To others it suits very slow, so it depends on you. But whatsoever feels good, you continue, mm? [A sannyasin, who is a student of political science says: I find it difficult to be in the here and now. I am always in dreams and thoughts, and particularly after meditating I am in the clouds.] Don't be worried right now... just enjoy whatsoever is happening. If you are in the clouds, enjoy it. Why miss that moment? Enjoy it, get lost in it. And don't create this problem of how to be here and now, because by creating it you are missing it. If clouds are there, then that is your here and now. If thoughts are there, that is your here and now. Enjoy it. Here and now is not a goa, to be achieved. If it is a goal you will never achieve it, because it is here and now and the goal is always somewhere else.

So wherever you are, and whatsoever is going on, be in that process. If you are thinking, then think. If you are dreaming, then dream. Don't create a bifurcation. Don't separate yourself from the dream and say, 'What am I doing? I am dreaming and I should be here and now.' But the dreaming is your here and now! You cannot be in my here and now. You can only be in your here and now. Do you understand me? Dreaming is your reality and if you try to do anything you will be getting out of the here and now. So dreaming, dream, eating, eat, walking, walk ­ and whatsoever happens is okay; accept it. That rejection is the trouble. Everybody goes on saying, 'This is not good. I should improve upon it.' That 'should' brings in the future. The whole emphasis of being here and now means only a very simple thing. It means don't try to improve yourself; don't try to make yourself better than you are. The trees are here and now because they don't bother a bit. They don't bother about whether they are ugly or beautiful. They don't bother whether they are higher or lower than others; or who is first and who is second and who is third. They are simply here, enjoying. They are not jealous... they have no ego-trip. That's what I mean when I say be here and now. There is no need to try any improvement. No polishing is needed. You are already that. Everything is already realised ­ just your celebrating, enjoying it. If thoughts are there they must be fulfilling some deep need in you. Just as a stomach releases juices to help digestion, so the mind releases thoughts to digest many experiences. The stomach goes on working in its own way; the liver goes on working, blood goes on circulating. Millions of things are continually active in you, so why be worried about the mind? That too goes on doing its thing. When it is not needed, it will disappear. But you cannot force it to disappear, because who is forcing it? It is again a thought. One thought is trying to disperse all thoughts; impossible. How can one thought fight against many thoughts? This is just a thought that you should be here and now. And one thought is going to be defeated against the majority. So don't create that conflict. If thoughts are there say 'Okay, so let me think. This is my herenow'. And enjoy those thoughts. Nothing is wrong in them.... [The sannyasin answers: they are always the same.] Let them be the same; they must be needed. The blood circulating is the same. The breathing coming in and out is the same. The eyes blinking are the same. Every morning you get up and every night you go to sleep; it is the same. Every day you become hungry and you eat; it is the same. Everything is the same, so why be against the mind? Poor mind! Let it be so. What I am saying is to accept it. That acceptance will bring you to the here and now. Accepting, by and by everything disperses. Rejecting, you create a fight. In fighting, resistance arises, and then you are in more of a mess. Just float and take everything that is happening as having to happen. You can only enjoy it. You are free to take an attitude, but you are not free to change the reality. Let me explain this to you. This tree is there. You can take an attitude about it: you like it, you dislike it; you don't want it to be there, you want it to be there. A mood comes; you feel sad. You can take

an attitude about whether you like sadness or not, but you cannot change the reality. The reality is not changed by your attitude. If you don't like the sadness, you can become more miserable, so you create another sadness which is deeper than the first. The sadness is there; what can you do? So when it is there it is better to enjoy it. Find a way to enjoy it. Don't find faults with yourself. This fault-finding is one of the greatest problems. Try to use... and I know that every situation can be used, can be used in a creative way. Try it, mm? [A group member said that he felt he couldn't go very deeply into things, and that he was aware that sometimes when things were becoming very intense, he would withdraw.] Osho said to be more total; but that it took time to become total, so he should do it just step by step.] There was a hindu monk, Swami Ramteerth, who became very famous in America. He was a great mathematician, and before he became a sannyasin, he was a professor of mathematics. In his memoirs he writes that when he was taking the examination for his master's degree and was studying for it, the night before, he came across a problem that he could not solve. He tried and tried and wasted the whole night. It was almost three o'clock in the morning and the problem was not solved. His room partner said, 'Are you mad? For one question you are wasting the whole night. There are other questions, and who knows, this question may not be asked. And even if it comes, what is the problem? You can leave it.' In examination papers they give ten questions and ask that one solve any five. Ramteerth used to always solve all ten and then write on top of the paper 'Examine any five'. He had done that all his life, because the answers were always correct. Otherwise who would take the risk to say 'examine any five'? Ramteerth said, 'I have never left any question and I am not interested in anything else unless I solve this one.' Then an idea struck him. He took out a knife, put it on the table, and fixed the alarm for four o'clock. He said loudly, 'If by four o'clock it is not solved, I will commit suicide.' The partner said, 'You have gone crazy! What are you doing? For an ordinary question you are committing suicide!' Ramteerth said, 'That is not the point ­ what type of question it is. I have to put the whole of my energy at stake.' The partner watched what was going to happen. Within three minutes Ramteerth had solved the question! It was a cold night but he started perspiring because it was a question of life and death. He became tremendously transparent and immediately the problem was solved. Then he felt so tired that he fell from his chair, almost as if in a fit. The partner said, 'This is a beautiful trick! If sometimes I have to solve a problem, I will also try it.' He tried next time but nothing happened, because he was thinking 'Who is going to kill himself?

This is just a trick ­ putting the knife on the table. If it is not solved, it is not! Who bothers?' But then it will not work. So whenever you are doing anything, make it a question of life and death, and then you will see more energy arising. All the layers of your energy will become involved. We never do things totally because we don't think that they are important, that they have any significance. If they are done, okay. If they are not done, it doesn't matter. Who cares? That attitude somewhere in the unconscious does not allow you to put in your total energy. So in the Intensive group, try. Just remember this night... and don't leave a single stone unturned! [A sannyasin says: I just had the realisation that when I'm committed to something I have a lot of energy.] That's how energy comes. Commitment brings energy. If one wants to live an intense life, full of energy and power, one needs deep commitment. If you are not committed, the energy is not challenged. Everything is just okay, so-so; one continues in a lukewarm way, and one lives just on the periphery. So make this insight a tacit understanding in you. Life is a commitment, because only those who commit themselves, live. Others simply drag. They are born and die but they never live. Only people of commitment rise to high peaks of energy, rise to their climaxes. So remember that if you are not committed, you will become a driftwood, accidental. Each moment has to be a commitment. Then the energy will flare up and will become a bigger and bigger flame every day. The more you bring it out, the more it will become available to you, and deeper and higher will be the sources that are available to you. Man can have as much energy as he needs. But if you don't need it, there is no point in having it. If you have decided to crawl on the earth, it is up to you. If you want to fly in the sky, that too is for you to decide. Your energy is already ready to do what you want to do, but the first thing is that you have to want to do it. [Another member of the group, said that he didn't really feel that he ever got into the group, and that today, the day after the group ended, he found that he felt very negative and anti-social. Osho said this closedness could happen in one's first group but that He should always first look within himself to see if he really wanted to do whatever he set out to do, otherwise he should not attempt it.] Never be in between, otherwise you will be in a limbo. If you don't want to do anything, don't. If you want to do it, then really do it, because doing it and yet still not doing it, is a wastage of energy, time, and then you will feel sad because the opportunity is missed. You will see that others are doing well and flowing and experiencing something and you are just sitting on the bank and nothing is happening. Nobody can make it happen unless you move into it with deep sympathy, participation. Only if you put your heart into it is something going to happen. It is not that it can be given to you as a gift. You have to earn it.

But your old habits go on and they catch you. In the next group, leave the habits outside, and go into it as deeply as possible just as an experiment. Let it be an experiment to decide whether to do another group or not. If you fail in this, there is no need, but give it a total opportunity, otherwise your judgement will not be right. Whenever you want to experience something, do something, go the whole way. Either it is useless and you understand it, or it is useful; then too you have an understanding of it. Either way you are profited, benefited. Make this a rule for everything; let it be a golden rule, If you love a woman, then love. Go all the way, all the way, so that you can come to an understanding of whether love is worth-while or just foolishness. And whatsoever the conclusion, it will be good for you. If you come to realise that it is foolishness, you are finished with it and it will have no further attraction for you. If you come to realise that it is a very significant experience then you can open many doors. There is no other way than experience. [A melodramatic sannyasin says: My mind says to get into a relationship, but I see it is just a distraction. There is no woman. There's only you... but There's no form of you.... ] Everything is going as it should (chuckling). But if there is some woman, or if you come across a woman, a relationship at this moment will be helpful. It will not be a distraction at all. This thirst will be settled and you will feel more calm and quiet. It will not be a sexual relationship. It will be a love relationship. If you have somebody in mind, it will be good. You will feel much energy is flowing. This is the moment when love is needed. In these moments, a woman who has a love for you can be tremendously helpful. She is helpful when the energy moves down and is very helpful when the energy starts moving up. A woman can help you to release the energy from the sex centre. She can also help you to release the energy from the sahasrar. Just the presence of a loving woman, a loving atmosphere.... [The sannyasin adds: I don't feel interested in a woman... I feel indifferent.] Indifference is a greater negativity than negativity, because if you look negatively at a woman, then too you are interested; interested against. But that is nothing but the same energy standing upside down. That's what jaina monks and catholic priests are doing ­ looking at women negatively. But they are deeply interested. They are making their interest negative, and they are creating a negativity around them because they are afraid that if the negativity is not there continuously, they are in danger. They can enter into a relationship or a woman can become attractive to them and can distract them from their path. So they continuously repeat negative things, negative ideas ­ that a woman is nothing but bones and this and that; that this is just futile, maya, illusion, dirt, dust. They think that the woman is the enemy, the helper of the devil, a participant with the evilest energies in the world. In this way they create an armour around themselves.

The real negativity is indifference ­ neither positive nor negative... a very subtle wall. But I would like you to look with positivity. At this moment it is going to be very helpful. The right woman will come, and if she does not come I will manage it that she reaches you. Remain available and open. If sex happens, nothing wrong in it, but let it happen as part of love; don't make it a mind thing. Don't plan for it, don't fantasise about it. Simply remain in a deep loving situation, and if sex happens, it is good. If sex happens as a small circle in a bigger circle of love, it is perfectly good. Ordinarily love is the small circle and sex is the bigger circle. When love happens as part of sex, even love is not of much value. When sex happens as part of love, even sex is of tremendous value. That's the whole meaning of Tantra. Love is the real thing. Sex happens just as a shadow ­ if it happens at all. There is no necessity; it may not happen at all, it may happen. Both doors are open. But love is not a means to it ­ love is the end. And then sex is nothing but a sharing of energies. It is just a play of loving energies. It has nothing sexual in it. And when sex happens without any sexuality in it, it is divine. That's what Tantra is. So just remain available and open, mm? And don't be afraid.

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